trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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