I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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