so explain again why im purple
no
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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