i would punch a child for taco bell
Do vagina's smell?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
