Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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