and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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