Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
