are you so shy because you have an std?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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