I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
