Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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