I cut my penus on the lid.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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