Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
