Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
