I am spending my child support on dildos
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
