Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
