Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
