Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
