I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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