i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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