If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
