i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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