I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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