Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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