somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
