i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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