he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
