he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
