real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
