home. puking in laundry basket.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
