Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We are all done wearing pants today
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
