I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize