He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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