Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
