he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
