My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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