i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
