if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
