I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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