there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
