it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
