Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Welp...herpes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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