Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
