I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
