last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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