I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
