Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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