Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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