i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
