Can Purell be used as lube?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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