I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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