just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
