Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
