True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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