U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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