new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
