The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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