You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
