i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
