his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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