I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
