yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
