I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
