Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
