I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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