Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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