I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
