what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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