So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize