We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
