so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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