I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
