shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
