I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
