I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
