Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We named our party play list daddy issues
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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