I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
