my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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