Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My dick has a subreddit
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
