:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
