bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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