Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
