So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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