Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she smelled like a LAN party
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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