dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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