I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
