i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize