dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
