If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
