the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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