His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
