While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
