I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
