my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
