my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
