My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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