Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
