she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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