Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i think my cat just said my name.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
