I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
