I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize