i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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