dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
