i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
