The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize