i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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