I hate all girls vehemently.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I faked an abortion last night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
