Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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