The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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