please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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