My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
