So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
