the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize