Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
