Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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