I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize