you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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