I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
