Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
After last night, I could never be a politician.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize