So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
